The HX Leader – Shifting from Control to Influence

Why the future of leadership starts within

Catching Up: The HX Revolution in Motion

If this is your first stop on the HX Revolution train, welcome aboard! Here’s what we’ve unpacked so far:

· Article 1 (Welcome to the HX Revolution – The Future of Business Transformation Starts Here): We made the bold claim that business transformation fails without Human Experience (HX) at the center. And no, we’re not just talking about fluffy “people-first” posters—we mean real, structural, emotional, and cultural redesign.

· Article 2 (Beyond CX and EX: The Birth of HX): We dismantled the idea that CX (Customer Experience) and EX (Employee Experience) are enough on their own. HX is the glue, the bridge, the missing heartbeat that makes transformation holistic.

· Article 3 (The Science of Change: Why People Resist Transformation): We geeked out on the science of change, explaining why people resist transformation and what the brain, our genes, and a little philosophy have to say about it.

And now, we go straight to the top: Leadership.

Because let’s face it—if leadership doesn’t change, nothing else will.

The Leadership Upgrade No One Warned You About

Let’s start with a confession: we’ve spent decades promoting a version of leadership that simply doesn’t work anymore.

You’ve seen it. You’ve probably lived it. The “strong” leader. The unshakable authority. The one who always has the answers, never shows weakness, and keeps everyone in line through a careful combination of KPIs, dashboards, and closed-door meetings.

Leadership as a game of control, precision, and power.

It worked in the industrial age. When companies were factories, workers were hands, and decisions were made top-down in boardrooms that smelled of cigars and legacy. But today’s organizations are not factories. They’re living organisms. They’re ecosystems of emotions, minds, hearts, aspirations, anxieties, and contradictions. And the humans inside them? They’re no longer willing to be managed like machines.

So here’s the uncomfortable truth: the old model of leadership is not only outdated—it’s harmful. It creates fear instead of trust, silence instead of dialogue, and compliance instead of commitment.

And if we want to bring Human Experience to life inside companies, we need to start by redefining what it means to lead.

From Control to Influence: The Real Leadership Transformation

The greatest misconception in leadership is that influence and control are the same thing. They’re not.

Control is external. It’s reactive. It demands authority. Influence is internal. It’s intentional. It earns trust.

Control tries to force change. Influence inspires it.

The leader of the past gives answers. The HX Leader asks better questions.

The leader of the past tells people what to do. The HX Leader shows them what’s possible.

In the world of Human Experience, leadership is not about commanding behavior—it’s about cultivating the conditions for growth. The HX Leader is not the hero of the story, but the guide, the gardener, the mirror.

They don’t lead through fear or hierarchy—they lead through presence.

But to lead others through transformation, the HX Leader must first go through their own. And that’s where things get real.

Why Leadership Starts with the Self (Hello, Shadow)

Carl Jung gave us a concept that should be taught in every leadership program: the shadow.

The shadow is everything we don’t want to see about ourselves. Our insecurities. Our defenses. Our triggers. Our childhood wounds disguised as professional behavior. But all these things, in the end, are part of how we behave in the present, which should be the focus.

It’s the voice that says, “I’m the leader, so I need to have the last word.” Or, “I can’t let my team see me unsure, or I’ll lose authority.” Or, “That person is challenging me—they must be the problem.”

But it’s not about the team. It’s about you. And if you don’t face your shadow, you’ll project it on everyone around you.

Here’s the raw truth: Leaders who avoid their shadow create cultures that avoid accountability. Leaders who suppress vulnerability build teams that fear honesty. Leaders who lead from ego create organizations where no one feels safe to fail—or grow.

Self-awareness is not a soft skill. It’s the cornerstone of influence. And without it, you’re just passing your internal chaos down the line and calling it leadership.

Concrete Action: Start Your Shadow Work

·        Block 30 minutes a week for solo reflection: What triggered you this week? Why? What part of your ego got involved?

· Ask your team this question anonymously: What’s one thing I do that might discourage openness or creativity?

·        Keep a shadow journal—notice when your reactions feel disproportionate, defensive, or overly controlling.

You can’t change what you’re not aware of.

Love-Based Leadership: The HX Way of Leading

In The HX Revolution, I talk about a different way to lead. A way that doesn’t rely on control, fear, or charisma. I call it love-based leadership. And before your inner cynic rolls their eyes—no, this isn’t about being nice all the time or giving hugs in meetings.

Love-based leadership is about leading with presence, courage, and deep respect for the human being in front of you.

It’s about care, not control.

It’s about responsibility, not authority.

It’s about creating the space for others to expand—not shrinking them into a role you’ve predefined.

At the heart of love-based leadership, there are two main pillars:

1. Awareness – of Self, Others, and the Environment

Awareness is the heartbeat of influence. The more present you are, the more clearly you see the system you’re part of—and the more skillfully you can respond.

Awareness is noticing your tone in a stressful moment. It’s picking up the tension in a room before anyone says a word. It’s recognizing that your team is burned out—even if no one’s said it aloud.

Concrete Action: Build Your Awareness Muscle

·        In every meeting, take 60 seconds before you speak to observe: What’s the energy in the room? Who’s engaged? Who’s holding back?

·        Set a recurring reminder: “What am I noticing—but not saying?”

·        Ask yourself daily: “What kind of leader am I being today? Am I aware, or just reacting?”

2. Communication – The Tool of Transformation

Words build worlds. That’s not a metaphor. It’s neuroscience.

The way leaders communicate defines how people feel—and how they feel determines what they do, how they collaborate, how they take risks, and how much of themselves they bring to the table.

And in love-based leadership, communication isn’t just about being “clear.” It’s about mastering three transformational skills:

Persuasion – the ability to move hearts, not just minds. Influence begins with emotional resonance. If your people can’t feel your vision, they won’t follow it.

Listening – real listening. Not waiting for your turn to talk. Not formulating your rebuttal mid-sentence. Listening to understand. Listening to learn.

Candid Feedback – the rare and beautiful art of saying the hard things with love. Honesty without kindness is brutality. Kindness without truth is betrayal.

Concrete Action: Practice Transformational Communication

·        Replace “Here’s what I need you to do” with “Here’s what I’m seeing—what’s your take?”

·        Once a week, have a listening-only conversation: Your goal is not to respond, solve, or guide. Just to understand.

·        Build a feedback ritual: After every project or team milestone, ask: What worked? What didn’t? What do we learn?

Leadership is the Culture in Action

Let’s be clear: your behavior is the culture.

Not the posters. Not the slide decks. Not the all-hands emails about values. Culture is how people behave when no one’s watching—and they take their cues from you.

How you handle tension. How you respond to failure. How you hold space for discomfort. How you show up when things are hard.

If you want a culture of psychological safety, transparency, growth, and accountability—don’t talk about it. Be it.

Because in the end, leadership isn’t just about shaping strategy. It’s about shaping space. The space where humans can unfold.

Final Thought: Leading Others Begins with Leading Yourself

Leadership is not about being the smartest person in the room. It’s about creating a room where others feel smart, safe, and seen.

The HX Leader is not perfect. But they are present. They are not always certain. But they are always curious. They are not fearless. But they are brave enough to face themselves—and love others in the process.

So here’s the challenge: Before you lead the transformation, become it.

Because no cultural shift, no HX initiative, no business revolution will ever stick unless the people at the top are willing to go first.

Coming Next: Culture is Not a Deck of Slides – Embedding HX into the DNA of a Company

Now that we’ve reshaped leadership, it’s time to move into the living, breathing reality of organizational culture.

How do you make sure HX doesn’t stay stuck in a workshop or strategy doc? How do you actually embed human experience into everyday decisions, habits, and systems?

We’re going to break that down—no fluff, no jargon, just real talk about what culture actually is, and how you build it.

See you in Article 5. Let’s make it real.

#HumanExperience , #Leadership , #Transformation ,  #BusinessCulture , #SelfAwareness , #LoveBasedLeadership,  #OrganizationalChange , #CX , #CustomerExperience ,  #EX , #EmployeeExperience , #H2H , #TheH2HExperiment

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